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I’ve Had Three Wives So Far - I Do Every Day - November 4, 2019

 I’ve had three wives so far

By Carlos Santiago

My first wife had a mouth like a sailor. She was harsh and always on guard, ready to attack if anyone crossed her. 

My second wife was polite but insecure in her own skin. She hated conflict and the spotlight, preferring instead to avoid both.

My current wife is strong, yet gentle. She doesn’t seek the spotlight, but won’t let it prevent her from doing what needs to be done either.

Each of these women holds a special place in my heart, but don’t ask me which one I love the most because I can’t decide. You see, they’re all the same person.

My wife and I have been together since 1992. Each day we’ve changed, ever so slightly, from who we were into who we are. 

Concerns about tests, summer jobs, and senior prom morphed into ones about rent, kids, and career. I hope someday they’ll morph again into concerns about an empty nest, grandkids, and retirement. 

She is not the same girl that I fell in love with, and that’s okay. 

I’m not the same person either. This is a good thing. We need to grow.

As long as we take the time to pay attention to the little, day-by-day changes we experience in our lives, we’re okay. But sometimes circumstances get in the way. Little changes pile up, and when we finally take a moment to look, we’re surprised at what we see. Then we have to work twice as hard to get reacquainted.

I know my wife will be substantially different 10 years from now. If I don’t want to wake up one day and be disappointed by who I see lying next to me in bed, I need to start getting to know my future wife today.

Even the best marriages can feel the pull of isolation. 

The good stuff:  When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. (1 Corinthians 13:11-12)

Action points: Do you know who your spouse is today? How are their current struggles reshaping them? Set up a time to discuss these questions with your spouse over coffee or tea.

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